My kidlets

This is Katie and FiFi. Grandma gave her a Webkinz for Christmas and my computer hasn't been the same since. She saves all her money for webkinz. She's in heaven this weekend since they are buy one get one free!!

This is Jonathan.... he has a thing for being upside down!

And this is the reason I need a vacation! Meet Luke.

Has it really been 12 years?

I was just looking at another person's myspace page, dedicated to their stillborn son. I thought how young she is to have gone through so much. She's 27. Then I thought, I was 25 when I experienced my first lose. 13 months later, I lost another child at 27.

The first time, things were over quickly and I felt this incredible emptiness. I was 9 wks pregnant. People told me, "It wasn't meant to be." "There was something wrong with the baby." "There will be more children."

I wanted that little baby... I didn't care if something was wrong, I would have loved him anyway. A few days later, I had a dream and in it, Jesus was holding a little bundle in his arms. He handed me the baby and said, "This is your son, Joshua Matthew."

13 months later, after laboring for 3 days and the doctors giving me the wrong advice, I delivered a tiny baby boy at home. I was 15 wks. This time I was able to hold my baby and touch him. He fit into the palm of my hand. We wrapped him up and went to the hospital. I won't tell you how the doctor reacted...

The nurse was wonderful. She cleaned him up, wrapped him in a washcloth and let us spend time with Robert David Bernard. He was named for his 3 grandpa's. My step dad was dying of cancer in KY so he and my mom couldn't come. Instead my in-laws came and stayed with us.

I now have three beautiful Spals kids, Katie is 6, almost 7. Jonathan just turned 4 and Luke will be 2 in 2 wks.

Sometimes it is hard to wrap my head around the fact I should have a kid getting ready for middle school instead of worrying about 2nd grade and preschool.
There is a world of resources for people who have lost a child either in pregnancy or after.

My favorites are Spals http://www.spals.com/
What not to say to someone who has lost a child
http://miscarriage.about.com/od/forfriendsandfamily/tp/whatnottosay.htm


This is a list of photographers who donate their time and resources to take pictures of babies who are not expected to live past birth.
http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/


What can you do for someone who has lost a child? You can listen. Most of the time, we need to talk about that child. Even if you didn't see them, they are real to us. Remember anniversaries. A simple card or phone call on birth days, death days, due dates can mean the world to a grieving parent.


Don't exclude them from things involving other kids. Be frank, say, "This party will have babies, small kids there. Are you OK with that?" If they say no, don't judge. Just because they had a miscarriage doesn't mean they will be "Over it" anytime soon. It was until I had my own living child that I wasn't hurt by the sight of other babies and pregnant women.


Finally, just be there... we may be grieving, but that doesn't mean we want to be left alone.